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Kasal Pilipino
Gone are the days of "pikot" (shotgun marriage) and "kasunduan"
(arranged marriage by parents) where both the bride and groom had no
choice but to comply. Traditionally though, even at this day and age,
"ligawan" (courtship) still exists. "Harana" (suitor's serenade) use to
form part of this ritual but nowadays, it's usually love letters (or
emails ;-), flowers, chocolates or simply, dating! But when do they
officially become a couple? Decades ago, a girl may be expected to say
'Yes' first just so that the guy would know that she agrees. Nowadays,
well...they just know.
After going on steady ("magkasintahan") for quite a time and the couple
wants to crossover from being single and get married, then the
following are some points to consider:
• Pagtatapat
the marriage proposal
"Will you marry me?" or variations of those four significant keywords
signals the possible beginning of a much-awaited grand celebration.
After all, nobody wants to get married without first being asked. For
would-be-grooms who may be lost for words, below can do the talking for
them...
• Singsing
the engagement ring
Normally, an average Filipino man is wary on giving a ring as gift on
ordinary occasions for he's concerned that his girlfriend might get the
wrong impression because a ring (especially those of the gemstone-laden
species) tend to speak of a deeper commitment. Really says a lot even
without saying a word. The engagement ring is not a requisite to
marriage but more of an option (that most brides surely wouldn't mind).
It is both an adaptation of the western culture and a modern
incarnation of an pre-colonial practice by giving dowry to his future
wife (and her family) to signify his intentions. The ring is usually
given simultaneously with the proposal (note: guys, don't give it until
she says 'Yes'!) in a romantic ambiance. Popular choice for the 'rock'
is diamond for it is the hardest wearing gemstone but a ring with her
birthstone will do (read more about diamonds and other birthstones).
Some traditional and sentimental Filipino families even insist and have
their son offer a treasured family heirloom as an engagement ring to
symbolize her acceptance and approval of his family. In cases such as
the latter, it would be better to hand in the ring on the pamanhikan.
• Pamanhikan
the asking of the girl's parents' permission to wed the affianced pair
The 'blueprint' of the wedding plans are drawn or made known on this
occasion. The pamanhikan is often hosted by the bride's family where
the groom and his parents set to visit the bride's family to formally
ask her hand in marriage and discuss plans for the upcomming wedding
over lunch or dinner. This can be a real uneasy situation if it's the
first time for both sets of parents to meet. The groom- and bride-to-be
may feel a little awkward (nervous even) seeing and listening to each
parents consult each other face-to-face on matters like their wedding
budget, guest list and the likes. It is customary that the the visiting
family bring a gift (often, the mother's best home-cooked specialty)
for the hosts. Others may opt to hold the meeting on a 'neutral ground'
(a restaurant is a likely choice) or invite a mutual acquaintance to
the gathering and help ease the first meeting. Why bother with all the
trouble? Filipinos seek their folk's blessings for a happy and
hassle-free marriage. Afterall, pamanhikan is a treasured Filipino
heritage which, first and foremost, avoids an awkward situation having
the parents see each other as strangers come wedding day.
• Paninilbihan
service rendered by the man to woo the girl's family's approval
Paninilbihan is said to be a long forgotten tradition where the
marrying man attends to some daunting chores for the family of the
bride to show his worth, fortitude and responsibility. The fact is, it
is still sub-conciously practiced by the modern Filipino society in a
much simpler scale (thank goodness!). Since Filipinos parents prefer to
see their daughter's boyfriend pay a visit in the house than date
elsewhere, he is more-or-less considered a part of the household than a
guest. So it comes as no surprise when the family members ask simple
favors from him such as driving the mom to the supermarket or fixing
busted lights in the kitchen. Come to think of it, future
sons-or-daughters-in-law are expected to run some simple errands for
their would-be-in-laws if he/she seeks some approval. These little
favors forms part of the paninilbihan process still deeply imbibed in
the Filipino psyche.
• Pa-alam
wedding announcement - the Filipino way
The practice of pa-alam (to inform) should not be confused with the
Pilipino word "paalam" (goodbye). Though less formal than the
pamanhikan, pa-alam is still a gesture appreciated by Filipino elders
as a sign of respect. This is a practice of visiting important
personages (mostly elder relatives not present during the pamanhikan)
prior to the wedding. Couples may go out of their way to visit the
person to inform about the upcoming wedding (they may choose to hand in
the wedding invitation at this time) or approach the person in a social
event (say, a family reunion) to formally let him/her know of the
recent engagement. If the altar-bound couple will be visiting a
prospective ninong or ninang (godparents of principal sponsors) for the
wedding, it is customary to bring a little something for the person to
be visited (a tropical fruit basket is a popular choice). Since the
'major hurdle' is over with after the pamanhikan, pa-alam would be a
breeze. Though some elders may ask about your love story while others
might give a 'litany' about married life or ask the groom-to-be about
his work or family background. Basically, the practice is just a round
of casual diplomatic visits to the people who matter most to the couple
and inform them of the wedding and secure their blessings.
• Despedida de Soltera
farewell to spinsterhood
A send-off party held close to the wedding date in honor of the
daughter of the house hosted by her family. This celebrates her
family's consent to the marriage and bestowal of her folk's blessings.
The groom, his family, close friends & relatives from both sides
and the wedding entourage are invited to meet and get to know one
another before the wedding. The occasion may serve as the formal
introduction of the two families or clans to each other. This affair
can be anywhere from a formal sit-down dinner to a casual get-together
party.
• Alay ng Itlog kay Sta. Clara
egg offerings to Saint Claire
Although a rain shower is believed to bring bountiful blessings to a
marrying couple, many still prefer a bright and warm wedding day.
Ironic as it sounds, modern Catholic Filipino couples troop to the
monastery of St. Claire to offer eggs to the patron saint and request
the nuns to pray that their wedding day be 'rain-free'. Other couples
may consider other food/fruit offerings for even our beloved nuns knows
an egg too many is too much cholesterol.
• Kumpisal
confession before marriage
This is more of a moral obligation than a tradition that should be
observed by every marrying Catholic couples. A few days prior their
wedding, couples should have their final confessions as a single person
with a priest (not necessarily the one who's going to marry them) since
they will partake in the bread and drink the wine (the Body and Blood
of Christ) during the wedding ceremony. The confession will serve as a
spiritual cleansing for the sins committed during singlehood and a
commitment and devotion to their lifetime partner.
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